Wanderlust

I grew up in a small town.  Tracy, California isn't so small now, but when I was growing up there I thought it was the tiniest town on the map.  I hated it.  When I was a teenager the town had only one high school, so everyone knew everyone.  Some might think that sounds nice; I thought it was torture.  I couldn't wait to get out.

I've tried to figure out where my wanderlust comes from, and I think growing up in Tracy is a big part of it.  I also blame my love of books.  Ever since I was a small child I have loved reading.  I read to escape to far off places, with imaginary, extraordinary people and creatures.  Oftentimes these fantastical stories take place in real locations, like Artemis Fowl fighting in Taipei 101, or Percy Jackson racing across Washington, DC.  Fictional characters, but real places.

I remember once, when I was in high school, reading a book that took place in Idaho.  It was some fluff romance thing (because I've always had a soft spot for a good love story).  I told my boyfriend at the time that I thought I might like to live someplace like Idaho after graduation.  I wanted someplace with mountains and lakes, something different than the flat farmland I was surrounded by in Tracy.  He got angry with me.  He couldn't understand how I could possibly want to move away from Tracy, away from all of our friends and our families.  I couldn't understand why he didn't want to get away from all of that.

After high school I went away to college in Texas.  It wasn't exactly my dream location, but it was somewhere else, and that was what I wanted.  Sadly, that only lasted a year and then I found myself back in Podunkville, USA, living with my parents.  Over the next few years I left and came back a few times - Portland, Oregon for a couple of months.  Los Angeles for a few more.  I managed to make it out of Tracy to live one town over, but that wasn't much of an improvement.  I lived in the Bay Area for a while.  All temporary solutions though.  I wanted OUT.  I wanted to go places, see things.  I didn't know what.  I just wanted to go.

That was one of the factors that spurred me to join the Army.  I had this intense need to go somewhere else.  Joining the Army definitely made that dream come true, much to the chagrin of my family probably.  Since 1990 I have lived in South Carolina, Texas (twice), Germany, Colorado, Illinois, North Dakota, North Carolina, Washington, DC, Northern California, and now Okinawa, Japan.  Throw in with that a vacation taken to Ontario, Canada and Keeghan's Make-A-Wish trip to Northern Ireland and that's a lot of places to see.

But I still want more.

Now that I live in Asia, it's like a whole new world of possibilities has opened up, places I've read about but never thought I'd get to see.  I want to cross the equator, stand on top of the Great Wall of China, drive an RV around New Zealand, go to the top of Taipei 101.  Vietnam.  Thailand.  Korea.  Tokyo.  Shanghai.  So many places . . .

When Keeghan died, there was a part of me that wanted to never do anything new again, because it would hurt too much to not have him with us to see it also.  It was so unfair . . . unfair that he only got 12 years.  Granted, he did so much more than the average child does in 12 years, but still . . . it sucked.  Then Mackenzie said something that has really stuck with me.  She said, "Keeghan is still with us, and he sees what we see."  If that is true (and I truly hope it is), then I want to show him the world.  I want to take Mackenzie as many places as we can.  I want to learn about other cultures, ones that have centuries of rich history.  I want to learn other languages.

Somehow I don't think I'll ever feel like I've done as much as I want to do.  But I'll keep trying to see it all because to stop and stay in one place forever feels too much like giving up on living to me, and let's face it - life is way too short.  I'm glad that there are people who do like to stay in one place because the world needs constants.  I just don't think I'll ever be able to be one.